LONG AWKWARD PAUSE PRESENTS: AUGUST 2014 HOROSCOPES

Compiled by Dr. Horatio Jackson-Smyth PhD, Psychic, Sudoku Master, and Crypto-zoologist

Xyash

August 2014 will be marked simultaneously by the most beneficent and respectively the most dreadful of all astrological aspects. So buckle the f**k up, buttercup!

The most dreadful astrological aspect will be the conjunction between Mars and Uranus, which will take place in Scorpio and whose effects can cover the entire month. The Mars-Uranus conjunction usually accompanies tough and violent events while supporting stubbornness, jealousy, hard feelings, revenge and obsessions. So avoid crack houses and all-you-can-eat buffets.

The most beneficent astrological aspect will be the conjunction between Venus and Jupiter, active especially in the second half of the month. The Venus-Jupiter conjunction will bear opportunities, optimism and benevolence. The conflicting effects of the two conjunctions can co-exist and can manifest in various fields of life. The most targeted will be fixed signs: Leo (shocking!), Scorpio (beware!), Aquarius (caution!) and…

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